Thin Mint Milkshake

So if you were smart, you picked up enough Girl Scout Cookies when they hit the street earlier this year to fill your end-of-the-world chest freezers to last until 2099 when the dead have ruled the earth (then lost it in a game of cribbage), when shoes are illegal, and the ants have taken over all the wal-mart supercenters. Now... you may think your cookie supply may last that long, but you know that shit's gonna be gone by Halloween.

Now, for those of you who think that these little disks of sugar infused trans-fat coated in a gooey chocolate, garnered from the abuse of child slave labor on coco plantations, here is a way to make Thin Mints at home in the event you can't get the stuff from your local dealer.

Anyway, if you have some Thin Mints, ice cream, and a' hunkering for a way to beat the heat that does not involve getting nekkid (necessarily), take a shot at this bad boy:

THE THIN MINT MILKSHAKE



Yay!

Believe it or not, that cookie stood up on its own the first time I tried.



...Seriously I ate an entire box of these things before I even got around to photographing this, and that was within 6 hours.



Promise, this is the last episode with a blender in it for a while. Bad news is that the next episode has an even more specialized piece of equipment. But it can work without electricity.



Seriously, all the ingredients should be brought as close to or below the freezing temp. as possible, including the blender blade, the glass, cookies, milk, all that. Because warm ingredients melt things.



By the way, that ice cream comes from the very first Häagen-Dazs scoop shop in... ever. Also BTW, they still sell eggcreams, even though they're not on the menu.



Making this in terms of proportions, really depends on a lot of things. I don't like to state explicit measurements because everyone has a differentiating sense of taste and what they like. So if you really like these cookies, then use a lot of them (but FYI, they tend to sink while the cream floats), if you like it only slightly mint flavored, then use vanilla or chocolate ...or any other flavor... If you're a Mint Julep fan, then a shot of bourbon in the think mint shake will bring back some familiar flavors.  You can even do this with vanilla ice cream and those Samoa cookies and throw a shot of Malibu Rum in there and Shazam: you've got yourself some sort of demented Pina Colada of awesomeness. ..actually... Tune in March 2013 for that.












Hooray!

Join us Next Time:

Watermelon Margarita Punch from Scratch.

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Cave Johnson's Combustible Lemonade

OK people. After some technical issues, a thing in Vegas, and a brief stint in the ER (knife fight ...no really), we're back on track.

Those of you who don't know who Cave Johnson is, might want to take a listen to a short motivational speech of his:   http://youtu.be/Dt6iTwVIiMM  


Aperture Science is proud to bring you Cave Johnson's Combustible Lemonade. A true cocktail concept of Combustible Lemonade, not some sad idea of what it should be... from a math nerd who can only compute "combustible" + "lemonade" = "lemonade on fire." We've officially thrown down the gauntlet in front of The Insatiable Geek's version of this over on Drunken Moogle which does absolutely no justice to this awesome concept. No friends, a cocktail is more than a visualization of a math formula. It must invoke a flowering mixture of sensory interplay, bringing them all through a linear spectrum which at its end becomes a singular idea. This is truly a Combustible Lemonade, born of anger and frustration at the lemons of life.



...Science.

That's a real objays-d'arts, drawn and signed by the artist Yoshitaka Amano himself. The guy who basically created the Moogle has created an imbibing one here. It was in storage for a long time and did get a bit messed up. But it's mine.

Now, Goldschlager is a type of cinnamon schnapps. Quality stuff. It's also the only one you should use for this. AfterShock is terrible and artificially flavored/colored. You don't want the visual aspects of this drinkable art coming out looking like moldy orange juice and tasting half of trashcan punch. No, unless you're a teenager (or a woman in their 30's who thinks Sex and the City is a documentary) stay away from the day-glow juvenile ingredients.

Why this additive? Because we're making a true cocktail and it's called "Combustible Lemonade." We do not just pander to the visual. This is about all senses culminating with taste (smell actually shares this and one other mechanism, the one for sound).

Chariots Chariots.

Lemoncello made the traditional way is usually transparent. If you are buying anything that's opaque, it's because it was made quick and dirty like the above. ...still tastes good.

There you have it. A true cocktail, addressing all five senses:

Gaze and see; The inviting yet concealing nature of this creation, with its opaque nature which begs for exploration to discover what lurks just beneath the surface. Staring directly at you from a strong serious shape, coupled with a pile of flaming lemons, this looks you in the eye explicitly says "you must be this tall, to ride." But what's that sound?; The gentle puffing of your flaming lemon reminds you that time is of the essence and as you grab and drop your this citrous mini-molotov through the gaping opening of the glass and into the swirling concealing abyss of you-know-not-what. It falls within its grasp, and the hisssss from the extinguishing flame and its rising vapor give you... That Smell; All is now tinged with the watercolor of lemon, but that lemon foundation permeating all thins casts shadows on something... more. This is more than just some hooched-up lemon... something where danger lurks beneath the flame kissed surface. And so now the enigma widens as you pick up the glass and your fingers Touch its cold cold surface. Fire and Ice now juxtapose themselves within the still gestating full image which has yet to appear but now is desperately anticipated. Tasting this creation opens a floodgate of lemon clad deliciousness quickly filling every space with esurient sweetness. At that very instant bursting forth from the friendly-faced lemon smiles, cobra fangs leap out and spit their fiery venom of hot sweet cinnamon. The rage of Cave Johnson lives on, in his Combustible Lemonade.

The wife called that "ultra gay" after she read that. ...yeah.

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I tried to take an artsy-fartsy picture but it came out bad and all that stuff.
Then I stopped caring because I had already put away 2 of these in 12 minutes.

This is not some Mike's Hard w/o the bubbles, or something made with Ciroc vodka and Country Time lemonade in a fancy shmancy glass to sell to Lehman Brothers PYT rejects in size zero dresses at $14 a pop. (yeah sure lady... I'm sure you got that job because you're sooooo smaaaarrt and not because of those giant tits). But it will knock you on your ass if you think this is some light sippy wine cooler. It's a serious cocktail.


Next Time:

Girl Scout Cookie Thin Mint Milkshakes!

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BBQ Sauce with Country Style Ribs

A bit of a change-up, here is the way we make BBQ Sauce around here.

...Why yes, it does involve booze. How could you have possible guessed that?



Now, BBQ sauce has always been a major-touchy subject. There are thousands of places that do it all differently and all of them say they are the top of the top top-ness of the top BBQ sauce. There are many differences, but one thing is the same; None of them are mass-produced, plastic bottle, high fructose corn syrup, TV commercial, bullshit in a bottle. The way to have real, true BBQ sauce, the kind that has been enjoyed for a century or 2 down there in them red-states where they think the earth is 6,000 years old and can't let dem lesbians get married or Republican-Jesus won't come to the tractor pull and hand out guns and moonshine to everyone... is to make it yourself, and then sit back and relax knowing that the nearest artificial ingredient is quite a few miles away.   ...man I love tractor pulls.

FYI we are using the Dr. Pepper made with cane sugar, not the shitty one with HFCS.








St. Louis style ribs are good for this.  Here, we haven't done the full trimming because we want all the meat in there.  We're making them country stile, which is not BBQ (the sauce we are making is for BBQ but this meat will be country style).








The whole rub (no amounts given, figure it out yourself): Brown sugar, mustard powder, turmeric, pinch of salt, paprika, oregano, Worcestershire, liquid smoke, cider vinegar, molasses, and tiny sprinkles of ground rosemary and fennel.

IMPORTANT:  I forgot to mention that you also MUST add vinegar to the rub at this point too. 2 - 4 ounces.  If you don't do this, the mustard powder will react with the water in the soda/booze and the heat from the cooking, and create mustard gas.  That stuff that's banned by the Geneva Convention, which you don't want coming out of your oven.

Yeah, that happened.

Covering the cooking trey with foil is a good idea, but just make sure to poke a small hole so that steam can escape. If it builds up and comes out the wrong way, it can spill crap everywhere in your oven.




There is really gonna be a lot of grease/oil which you have to get rid of one way or another. we skimmed it and it worked out pretty well.

This is when you can add chopped onions and garlic.  It's best to cook them in the pan you're going to drain the ribs into, while the ribs are cooking in the oven.  That way they're already cooked when you add them so you don't have to boil this too much.  The more you cook them (without burning anything) the softer they will get and that will make it easy to blend together.








This is also when you can add tomato paste and more molasses if you want it sweeter, or hot sauce, or more vinegar or salt or really anything you think might this better.

IMPORTANT: After you have removed the fat and the sauce cools down, take a hand-blender and give it a good run through so that the chopped onions and garlic and any other solid bits get totally liquified (or you can leave it chunky if you like that kind of thing). BUT, doing the blender thing will give it an even consistency and release more potential awesome flavors. This is when you throw in more bourbon or other whiskey as well if you so desire. ...we desired it.





1.5 liters sounds like a lot... and it is.  Just imagine how much you would spend at the store for that much quality sauce.  The good part is that this stuff keeps in the freezer for a very long time, so you can freeze 500ml portions of it for use as needed.  Also, this makes a great base sauce to add more onions, or hot-sauce, or mangoes, or anything else to, to make it meal specific (I even knew a kid who poured this stuff straight on ramen... kinda weird but whatever.






See you next time for
Cave Johnson's Combustible Lemonade

Manhattan

The Manhattan. Nothing says roaring 20's like this rye whiskey based glass full of awesome. Invented over a century ago in the 18whoknowswhatsit's, it splendor in a glass. Despite its injection into the douche-bag universe of wanna-be Mad Men idiot hipsters, and being the last vestige of a few old racist grandparents out there who still listen to The Rat Pack on am radio, this is still a drink that should be ok to be seen in public with. But on the occasion that you wish to have 1 (or 7) at home, and hopefully share them with friends, here is how to make sure you pull it off correctly.



Time for grown up drinking boys and girls.





Recommended Rye Whiskeys include Manhattan Rye from Tuthilltown Spirits (pictured above), also (ri)1 rye which has been taken over by Jim Beam, and if you're on a budget there's the slightly less expensive Bulleit and the even cheaper Wild Turkey which is probably the most widely available.



What you see is 2 shot glasses full with a little bit of overflow. Normally you'd keep the glass chilled, but to avoid condensation which would block the view here, so we're gonna not do that. Remember kids; Don't do what Donny Don't does.



Now it goes without saying that a cheap vermouth like Cinzano, or Martini & Rossi is more or less gonna ruin this. Dolin is the standard go-to for a good Manhattan. Although Punt e Mes is not really a "true" rosso Vermouth and thus the end result is not a "true" Manhattan, it's actually our preferred additive here at Pinky Mixology when making these (it's even awesome by itself). So don't get that wrong, according to our personal tastes, we love nothing better than Punt e Mes, but we are making a true Manhattan here, so we'll be using a true vermouth.  We're not gonna say which one because we don't want to get anyone in trouble.



The problem is that good Vermouth costs a bit more and usually doesn't come in a small bottle.  We understand that not everyone out there is going to be prepared to have so much vermouth around.  So you can be stuck with a high quality bottle of Vermouth which you've opened and now the rest of it is fast on its way to getting old and going bad (yes it is very possible for Vermouth to go bad, but you can use this opportunity to turn yourself into a Vermouth fan). The cheap crap comes in small bottles... but it's cheap crap more suited for cooking shrimp than drinking. So if you know a bar-tender at a place that has a high turnover of the good stuff, then maybe they'll pour some off for you to-go. (Or you can get some out by ordering a glass of it and sneaking it out in a sports bottle or something).





You NEVER shake a Manhattan. If you are someplace and they do this, then just get up and leave immediately. You never shake any drink with clear ingredients and this goes for martinis too (though you can slosh them a bit harder than a Manhattan). There's a reason that 007 had to stipulate "shaken, not stirred" in the movies, and that's because no one in their right mind who knew what they were doing would ever ask for that (it was a way for a spy to identify himself to his handler w/o telling the whole room who he was).



Seriously, I don't know why they put these cherries in there. I never eat them, but they instantly identify what you're drinking.



That's not photoshop, that's actually the color of how it looks.  Cool right?

Seriously, the only thing that's gonna happen if you fill a cocktail glass to the very top is that some of the drink will spill, stemmed glass or not, just leave a little room. You can go make another if you're that desperate for more booze.

The Manhattan.

Next time:
Yo mama.