Cave Johnson's Combustible Lemonade

OK people. After some technical issues, a thing in Vegas, and a brief stint in the ER (knife fight ...no really), we're back on track.

Those of you who don't know who Cave Johnson is, might want to take a listen to a short motivational speech of his:   http://youtu.be/Dt6iTwVIiMM  


Aperture Science is proud to bring you Cave Johnson's Combustible Lemonade. A true cocktail concept of Combustible Lemonade, not some sad idea of what it should be... from a math nerd who can only compute "combustible" + "lemonade" = "lemonade on fire." We've officially thrown down the gauntlet in front of The Insatiable Geek's version of this over on Drunken Moogle which does absolutely no justice to this awesome concept. No friends, a cocktail is more than a visualization of a math formula. It must invoke a flowering mixture of sensory interplay, bringing them all through a linear spectrum which at its end becomes a singular idea. This is truly a Combustible Lemonade, born of anger and frustration at the lemons of life.



...Science.

That's a real objays-d'arts, drawn and signed by the artist Yoshitaka Amano himself. The guy who basically created the Moogle has created an imbibing one here. It was in storage for a long time and did get a bit messed up. But it's mine.

Now, Goldschlager is a type of cinnamon schnapps. Quality stuff. It's also the only one you should use for this. AfterShock is terrible and artificially flavored/colored. You don't want the visual aspects of this drinkable art coming out looking like moldy orange juice and tasting half of trashcan punch. No, unless you're a teenager (or a woman in their 30's who thinks Sex and the City is a documentary) stay away from the day-glow juvenile ingredients.

Why this additive? Because we're making a true cocktail and it's called "Combustible Lemonade." We do not just pander to the visual. This is about all senses culminating with taste (smell actually shares this and one other mechanism, the one for sound).

Chariots Chariots.

Lemoncello made the traditional way is usually transparent. If you are buying anything that's opaque, it's because it was made quick and dirty like the above. ...still tastes good.

There you have it. A true cocktail, addressing all five senses:

Gaze and see; The inviting yet concealing nature of this creation, with its opaque nature which begs for exploration to discover what lurks just beneath the surface. Staring directly at you from a strong serious shape, coupled with a pile of flaming lemons, this looks you in the eye explicitly says "you must be this tall, to ride." But what's that sound?; The gentle puffing of your flaming lemon reminds you that time is of the essence and as you grab and drop your this citrous mini-molotov through the gaping opening of the glass and into the swirling concealing abyss of you-know-not-what. It falls within its grasp, and the hisssss from the extinguishing flame and its rising vapor give you... That Smell; All is now tinged with the watercolor of lemon, but that lemon foundation permeating all thins casts shadows on something... more. This is more than just some hooched-up lemon... something where danger lurks beneath the flame kissed surface. And so now the enigma widens as you pick up the glass and your fingers Touch its cold cold surface. Fire and Ice now juxtapose themselves within the still gestating full image which has yet to appear but now is desperately anticipated. Tasting this creation opens a floodgate of lemon clad deliciousness quickly filling every space with esurient sweetness. At that very instant bursting forth from the friendly-faced lemon smiles, cobra fangs leap out and spit their fiery venom of hot sweet cinnamon. The rage of Cave Johnson lives on, in his Combustible Lemonade.

The wife called that "ultra gay" after she read that. ...yeah.

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I tried to take an artsy-fartsy picture but it came out bad and all that stuff.
Then I stopped caring because I had already put away 2 of these in 12 minutes.

This is not some Mike's Hard w/o the bubbles, or something made with Ciroc vodka and Country Time lemonade in a fancy shmancy glass to sell to Lehman Brothers PYT rejects in size zero dresses at $14 a pop. (yeah sure lady... I'm sure you got that job because you're sooooo smaaaarrt and not because of those giant tits). But it will knock you on your ass if you think this is some light sippy wine cooler. It's a serious cocktail.


Next Time:

Girl Scout Cookie Thin Mint Milkshakes!

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